finding the window

Jeanne and I went out to our sundrenched terrace to bask in Sydney sunshine and to drown our sorrows in a bottle of freshly brewed sweet tea. The knowledge that we are leaving Sydney in less than 24 hours brought about some kind of emotional cloud.

"I don't want to talk about this anymore. This is depressing me." We sit in silence for a few more minutes. Jeanne gets up to grab the rest of our sweet tea, our drug of choice for the afternoon.

"I want to write down goals for when I am back in Orlando," says Jeanne.

"What kind of goals?" I have in my head attainable goals such as: 1) eat a Chick-Fila sandwich and 2) go see a $2.50 movie at the Colonial Promenade.

"All kinds of goals. Running. I was thinking of running. I have to run a 5K in a month!"

"Ha. I haven't RUN a 5K in a month."

Goals. I think of one. "I want to be more Australian."

This, I remember, is something that I want to be a part of my life. Being in Australia has changed my perspective on life. Being a part of the Hillsong community has transformed my attitude toward my friends and community back home. But I can't let myself off the hook. I remember how only a few weeks ago, I was lamenting the terrible weather, the lack of deep friendships in Sydney, and the lack of employment opportunities.

"Two weeks ago, I was feeling miserable about Sydney. Today, I have all these warm and fuzzy feelings about Sydney because we've just had the most beautiful weekend we've ever had in this city. My feelings toward this city are clearly fickle. But the reality is, that there are so many reasons why we need to be back in Orlando."

"It wouldn't make sense for me to stay through March. Yes, we would have been here for a year, but it would have been with such a temporary mindset. I mean I guess I could have found work in a restaurant or a cafe, but it contributes nothing to what I want my purpose to be or how my attitude has shifted . It would have been enough to make money to travel and to come back home. But leaving now, I can immediately get a job that has something more directly to do with what my purpose is.

"The window in which we are leaving is perfect. If we had left when Walter left, we would have missed all of what's happened in the past two months with Hillsong and appreciating Sydney."

"We would have appreciated Sydney, but not enough to draw us back in the future," Jeanne says, processing with me.

"Right. And if we had stayed even until Mim had come, it would have been a bad situation. We would have been wanting to come home, we would be running out of money, and not happy once she got here. The window of leaving, the timing of us leaving now is perfect."

"It was long enough for us to appreciate it, but short enough for us not to become complacent," Jeanne says, like a wise, Hindu guru.

"That was very profound, Jeanne."

We smile.

And just like that, the cloud lifts.