look around, tell me what you seeeeeyeeyeyeeyeyee

looking around the bus, the realization disheartens me: there are more hot guys in this city than hot chicks.  

"kate said the australian women she saw in europe were some of the most beautiful women ever."

"yeah, well, that's the problem, i think: they all leave here and go to europe."

as i say this, we pass what must be a soccer field (it's "football, you idiot"/"i'm still american, shut up!"/"you shut up, you're ugly."/"what?"/"yeah, sorry, that was uncalled for.").  on this football field are about thirty or so dudes, huddled together, shirtless, glistening.

"there goes the man field," mel says, referring to a joke i made a couple days ago and am still fond of.  even though it's a joke, it may be true: they might really grow men on some kind of plantation, cause they are dead sexy.  this, of course, is not the point.  i don't mind a bunch of hot dudes, i'm just big on balance.  (BALANCE...CHECKING! (for you, precious.  oh, sorry, i mean gary.  nah, i like precious better)). 

"jeanne told me that there are some hot dudes here and i expect her to be sending me some pictures" says carolina over im chat.  sheesh.  at this rate, her account will be shut down due to the influx of picture mails.  what do i have to send precious?  what treasures do i get to capture on film for him to savor while he sits in his fortress of solitude?

bats.  i send him bats.  

"at work, they called precious batman."

"they called him precious batman?"

"no, just batman."

"precious batmanly."  when i'm ready to have kids, i'm going to invent a time machine, go back to 1986, kidnap 3 year old melissa, and bring her back to the present for me to raise.  actually, lemme go back and get 5 year old jeanne, too, and i'll build a treehouse for them and give them lemonade, cause i'm convinced they'd be the cutest two kids ever.  pudge and beaves, forevah.  forevah-evah. (forevah-evah.)

i'd love to see them in some kind of children's fantasy flic, like the never-ending story.  this is perfect, because the sydney opera house reminds me A LOT of the empress' castle in the never-ending story 2.  i suppose that would make me the annoying bird, who drops one of his feathers in the water to show pudge and beaves that it's acid.  this is fine with me, all to allow for the possibility that the two of them could go on these kinds of adventures.

pudge: this place is so beautiful.  i want a hamburger.

beaves: FALCOR!

(enter FALCOR, creepy lizard dog.  they hop on him and whisk away, disappearing as a rainbow into the sky.)

SCENE